The True Beginning of my life

I can honestly say that my life truly began the night I met my husband. I can honestly say I did not want anything to do with the man. I was divorced and had plans to finish my education and get out of this town. I was struggling with the left over baggage from a bad marriage and trying to figure out who I was on my own.

My friend told me about this guy...she was dating his friend and they said that he wanted to meet me. Like I said I was not interested because he had a lot of baggage that I wanted NO PART of. So I was nice...they introduced us and I was NOT impressed. He had several drinks, was grating on my last nerve and some how they conned me into driving the fool to the next stop "to meet them". They never showed up! I told him I'd take him home and when we got there he invited me in...now this is the part where I was supposed to say "Thanks but I gotta go." For some reason I said Ok.

I went in and there on the floor. under a Barney blanket was a little blonde haired boy. I couldn't see his face just the blonde hair. Part of me said "Girl, get your butt in the car..." but again something kept me there. This guy who had grated on my last nerve proceeded to sit down and start talking about what they had been through, and I could not help but sit and listen. I had heard the story...everyone in town knew about it...and I could not bring myself to leave. This obnoxious character changed before my very eyes to a lost, desperatley devastated soul.

My husband was married to a girl who, from what I have been told, was a great person. I did not know her, but we did go to the same school. From what I had been told, they were together constantly and you never saw one without the other. They had a child...the angel that was sleeping under the Barney blanket. They played softball together on co-ed teams and had a seemingly normal life. Then she got sick.

I remember reading about her in the paper. I remember seeing flyers up all over town with pictures of her and her baby. She was missing, but the story was a devastating one that touched me to the core when he told it.

He said she had gotten sick, but he didn't realize how sick she was because she hid it. He knew something was wrong but she downplayed it, and he took her at her word. She had Cushings Disease. He worked, came home played with C*, then went to bed. (She handled everything else and that was all he had to do.) He said this one particular morning, they got up and got dressed just like every other morning. They joked and talked about what they would do after work. They told each other they loved each other and went on about their day. She was supposed to be going to another Dr. apt and was getting C* ready for school. Late that afternoon he got a call from the daycare asking who would pick C* up because noone ever showed up. He was the last one there. He said that was way out of the ordinary and went straight to get him. She never came home. From this point phone calls were made, people gathered, people searched...she never turned up. His sister came home from out of state to help, and he soon found himself being questioned. He said he had no problem with it because he wanted to find her, but it soon seemed he was the prime suspect. There was no note...nothing to indicate why she would not come home...and she never made it to her appointment. The story made the paper and the news...but still no leads.

About a week and a half to two weeks later there were some boys riding four wheelers in the woods in the north county and they came across a car...with her in it. Her father had hunted out there and she went there to take her life. He said when the cops came back down the drive he was on the lawnmower (thats what he does when he is stressed) and he just kept cutting. His sister came to him and he asked if they were going to take him back down to the jail again. She told him no that it was over. At first he didn't realize "over" meant "over" and wanted to know where she was. Of course, a thorough investigation was done and it was determined that it was 100% suicide but the questions still lingered of why?

He then had to explain to C* that Mommy was not coming home and plan a funeral. Because she had taken care of everything he was a bit lost with what to do with C*. He said his sister wanted to take him but he wouldn't allow it. He said he would not let his son go...he belonged to him and he was going to raise him.

When I met him this was only a few months after all of this had happened. This man looked like a scarecrow...he was so thin and he had hollowed-out dark holes under his eyes. He said, "I don't know..I just don't know.." constantly. The obnoxious Gomer Pyle-imitating jerk wasn't really a jerk at all. As I listened to him tell this story it broke my heart and my troubles weren't so bad. He asked if I would please come play with his little boy the next day and I said "Sure". I drove home that night in tears. That poor baby...left at that daycare...waiting on his Mama. That poor husband listening to that Trace Adkins song "Every Light in the House is On"...waiting on his wife to come home...trying to figure out what was going on and how to answer his little boy's questions.

The next day I went over as I promised and the cutest little boy I had ever laid eyes on walked out the door to meet me. He had the blondest hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He had a smile that melted my heart like butter!! I fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him, and I had never felt anything like that in my life. There are no words to describe how I felt about him that day other than it was the equivalent of how I felt later when my other two babies were born. This little boy ate more popsicles than I had ever seen. We played, watched TV and I told them I would be back again the next day to cook for them. He sure seemed to need someone to talk to and that little boy needed some real food. That day turned into two then three and before I realized it I was over there everyday. We talked about everything and I loved on that little boy like nobodies business.

Before I knew it I found myself falling for this guy and man did I feel guilty. I mean he had just lost his wife, and I figured I had for sure lost my mind. We never even sat next to each other...me on the couch...he in the recliner. I debated what to do because I was too close and I didn't want to get hurt, but for the first time I felt like someone needed me and I had long since fallen in love with that little boy. I told him that one day when and if he moved on, he would need to make sure that whoever he made a life with accepted his son as her own...no if, ands, buts about it. I never dreamed I'd be the one. One night we were sitting and talking, he in the recliner and me on the floor and he kissed me. I remember it like yesterday. It was the most electrifying kiss I have ever had in my life...then he said "I love you" and HELLO...before I knew it I said it back. I kicked myself all the way home and had three panic attacks. What on earth was I thinking??? I swore those words wouldn't come out of my mouth again to ANYBODY and here I was saying it to this guy who was probably confused because of his trauma???

Well, there was no confusion. From that day we were inseperable and were very open and honest about our feelings and concerns. I had never been so happy. Of course, people talked, but I knew the truth about how things had happened. My Mom was so upset and concerned for me. She didn't want me getting hurt or people saying things about me. My Dad on the other hand told me, "If you find love grab it with both hands and don't let go." And I did.

I brought them to my parents house and of course they instantly fell in love with C*. It was an instant bond just like it had been with me. Shortly..very shortly afterwards we were engaged and within two to three months MARRIED!!

While we were engaged C* would ask "Can I call you Mama?" or "Are you my Mama now?" I told him the day his Dad and I married he could call me anything he wanted to.

The day we married was the happiest day of my life...God sent me a man that truly loved me and I become a Mama. "Mama"....the sweetest gift given to me that day was to hear my little boy call my name.